Its Not That Deep Really !

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

If you know me then you probably know that this is one of my most raved about verse in the bible. It has gotten me through so many tough and rough areas in life and in this week's blog I plan to share it with you all. So in the hopes to bring this a lot closer to home I'll share a little personal story.....

I graduated from secondary school about 3 years ago (feels like yesterday). T'was my leaving cert year and the same year my life turned around for good (at that time I would have argued otherwise). I hoped to go straight into college and study medicine or something in the medical field at least. As you can expect, at that time that was the most important thing to me. My relationship with God was fine, I studied his word on the surface but never really thought to go any deeper, I was content with my life. I had planned out my life in fact, and if this stage didn't go as planned then what hope did I have for the rest of my future plans? 

I wanted so badly to do brilliant and make everyone around me proud, that some nights I'd wake up with anxiety and just have emotional breakdowns. I would cry for hours non-stop at the thought of failing and having to put aside my hopes and dreams. At this same time I would appear bubbly and over-elated to everyone around me. I know you're probably thinking , girl ????

Let me tell you it was very deep to me back then but I never let my guard down or shared my fears with anyone except God. God was there in the midnight hours, when I couldn't catch my breath. God was there when it felt like the walls in my room were closing in on me, He was there to reassure me and comfort me to sleep. 

I remember one of those nights when I felt a huge pressure and burden on my chest, I remember saying these words to Him; 
" God what if you decide not to grant me my heart's desires, what if I don't get what I've always dreamed and hoped for ? what then ?"
Funny enough He asked me these questions; Would you still praise Me ? Would you love Me? Would you thank Me ? I was stunned to be honest. I was afraid to answer the questions just in case he decided to test me on it, but I soon found the bravery and replied, Of course I would, what else could I do.

Now God didn't exactly give me what I had hoped for but with the way things played out , I know I couldn't have planned it better my self. I didn't initially get any offers to go into college that year but I stayed hopeful (easier said than done). A year later, I got a place in college and I'm doing what I love and my relationship with Him continued to grow.

For that one year, while I felt rejected and alone, He held my hand and moulded me into the person I'm on a journey into becoming. He planted me in situations were my faith was tested and tried. He built my confidence and gave me the time that I needed to be a blessing in the lives of others.

I know that there is more to God than Him simply being a Vending Machine for miracles and blessings. I know that I should always find Joy in simply learning and digging my way through His words (again, easier said than done). I've learned to trust in God, accept His will, knowing that He is constantly only working behind the scenes for my good. Now I can boldly say ,in the words of Ms. Kim Burrell, If the Lord doesn't do a thing for me I'll still praise Him. My life is to bring glory to Him at all times, even when I have "plans".

I stumbled on Jeremiah 29 v 11 during that Conversation with God that night, It was what encouraged me to let go and just let God be God. I wasn't sure of the plans that God had for my life but I was certain of a few things:

1. He Knows the Plan (he knew it right from the beginning and right till the very end). Remember He knows the end right from the beginning (Isaiah 46 v10)
2. God Does not waste. Every thing you have been through, Every disappointment, heart ache, worry, mistake (you can go on and on!) is all a part of His BIG plan. He uses it to mould us to his desires.
3. He plans to prosper me. The oxford dictionary defines this as "succeed in material terms, Flourish physically"
4. His ways are not our ways, His thoughts are not our thoughts  (Isaiah 55 v 8), so of course you'll feel disappointed when your plans don't work out but remember that His thoughts are higher and so are his ways (Isaiah 55v 9)
5. He won't Harm me. This means no matter how hurt I feel about his decisions etc. His plans are doing me more good than bad. 
6. These plans give me Hope.
7. These plans give me a future.... I ACTUALLY HAVE A FUTURE (and a bright one, might I add).

If we will be quiet and ready enough, we shall find compensation in every disappointment.Henry David Thoreau

Thank you for reading !